Elements War Episode 3(Searching for questions)

[abc]

There is a War about a elements the Thunder. type is despairing
but a boy and his 2 fiends will solve this War. The boy Hector will be in domes changing the best and solving 1 question, why this War? He will solve this and he will defeat the legend.
Cristal osea.
The fire the brutal 1.
Water the calm.
thunder the powerful.
Ground the competitive
metal are good.

[kimmimaro]

I'm removing this, in order to be in the library you must make a story.

[darkmastercaster]

It could be a prolouge. Give him time to reply.

[abc]

wait i makind episoed 1 in my mind

[abc]

Episode 1
The meet, and the rules
Hector: Hi! im a normal person in this crazy war! i don't discover my type yet! but wath would be!
*go walking to school*
blaz:hey you!
Hect: me! what do you want?
Blaz:We will destroy you!
Hect: Why?
Blaz: Why not?
Hect:*runs and fell* let me go!
Blaz:Never!!!
Hect:ahh!!!!*her ayes put yellow and send a thunder to blaze*
What happen?
Blaz:Is a thunder 1! run!!*run*
Hect:OMG!
:You are lucky
Hect:who is there
Ami:don't run i'm Ami
Maxi:Im maximilian but you can say me Maxi!
Hect:Hi Ami, HI Maxi.
Both:what type are you?
Hect:I dont know
Both:what!?!
Ami: oh sorry im Thunder
Maxi:I'm Steel
Hect:OOOOOOOOOHH! wait!!! Ami you are thunder!
Ami:Yup! i know that thunder is in danger of extincion.
Hect:When i was runing for Blaz, baze say: He's a thunder 1!
Ami:oh!*she felt like in love*
Maxi:Ami what happening to you
Ami: Nothing!!!
Maxi: OK, Let's go now to school now!
Hect:Yup let's go!

End of first Episode

[kimmimaro]

I recomend making it longer, but it seems like it WILL be a good story, but so far 7/10.

[abc]

episode 2
the battle

Hector:*walking*oh is good the life but...
Ami:hi Hector!
Hector** hi
Ami: Whats wrong?
Hector:Only 1 thing
Ami:What thing?
Hect:i asking, why my fathers go? i know is a war but why this war?
Ami:i Don't know
Maxi:What going on?
Ami:Nothing just a little things
Maxi:OK!
Hect:OK let's go to house
Lile:wait there!
Hect:*stop* what going on?
Lile:I want a battle with you Hector!
Hector:ME!!!
Lile:Yes, this night in the dome!
Hector: OK
Ami: you need to train
Hector:I know
Maxi:i know a place to train
Hector:Where?
Maxi: in Tara. dome!
Ami:Lets go!
*they walk to tra. dome.*
Hect: we're here lets train!... wait! how i make a attack Ami?
Ami:All i know is to make a thunder ball
Hect:Show to me!
Ami*make a thunder ball and launch to the wall*
Hector: is great ill try*focus his mind in thunder and* Thunder ball!
*go to wall and destroy the wall*
Maxi: is soooo powerful!
Hector:wow I'm more powerful than i think
Ami: OK train
Hector:*launches a lot of thunder balls the thunders balls get together and do more powerful*omg! i make that!
Ami:wow you are really powerful!!
Maxi: You are ready!
*This night*
Lile: OK lets start!
Hector:OK!
Lile:*use giant rock*
Hect:*avoid the attack and launch a thunder ball*
Lile:*get hurt with ball launch a rock*
Hect:*the rock hurt a lot hector*awwww that hurts, thunder ball!
lile: o no!*get hurt a lot* haha! take this*giant rock*
Hect: AWWWW!
Ami: Hector!!!!! Don't hurt Hector anymore!
Lile:you are defending Hector take a rock.
Hector:*take the rock*Don't hurt Ami*get a lot bad*
Lile:what happening?
Hector: Hyper thunder!!!!!
Lile:*takes a lot of damage*you defeat me*fell on ground*
Ami:You win hector!
Hector:YUP!
*1 day*
Ami:Hi!
Hector:Hi Ami,
Ami:Thanks for yesterday
Hector: No problem, Maybe ill go to competitions to answer my question.
Ami:Yes but be careful.
Hector:Thanks to be my friend.

THE END

[glow=red,2,300]3rd Episode[/glow]
The searching for questions
Hector:*in a dream* Finnaly cristal osea!
Dream:Haha!
Hector what going on
Dream:Die!
Hector:*wakes up*that was a bad dream.
*He go to shcool*
Hector:Him Ami, Hi Maxi
Both:Hi Hector!
Hector i have a bad dream.
Ami:About what?
Hector:I was with crystal Osea and she say ''DIE''
Ami:oh! that scares
Maxi:Yup! Wait who is crystal Osea?
Hector:is Um... Is I don't Know!
Ami:*LOL*
Maxi:Le's search in Inter...
*tv, You want to know everything ask Crystal Osea She know everything!But you need to completed 5 tourneys and wiin all!*
Hector:That was rare but is that crystal Osea She know my awnser?
Ami:I don't know but is 1 way to find out Asking to her!
Hector:YUP LET'S ENTER TO THAT TOURNEY!

End of this Book and the start of another

[clario]

Ehhhhh.... not really good.

The storyline, okay, but your grammer and how it looks is everything.

6/10, Work On It.

[abc]

Clario you are trying to ruin my life!


ill leave

[bulby101]

How is clario even remotly trying to ruin your life? When you say things, actually have proof, or know what you're saying.

[clario]

Blink.

Well, considering I have over 10 Stories written and many reviews written about them, here's what I learned.

1. Read through reviews.

2. Don't expect people to rate your stories 10/10s if you write like that. People mostly look for nice grammer, a good plot *which you kinda have...* and how it is presented. Take all harsh advice seriously *I.E. Don't force your audience to laugh, just let it roll' or 'LIEK D00D IT''S MAKES MI Is BLEED READING YER FIC SPACE IT OUT LOLOLOLO*

3. Spell. Words. Correctly. NOW. Spell check your stuff.

So recap,

Take all advice seriously and into thought.
Grammer and presentation is everything.
Spell everything out, use spell checkers.
DON'T flame the reviewer. Trust me.

[cm8]

You may want to listen to him.

Try to get a family member to proofread the story. If you're going for the movie-script format, make sure to capitalize names and use proper grammar. You don't want to give your readers searing pain in their eyes.

Which reminds me, (twenty minutes of screaming cut from message)

[clario]

Kay, so the story is about a war, and a boy named Hector who found out he has the Thunder element, and Ami falls in love with Hector. They talk a dream about Crystal Osea and she saying DIE and then a commercial appears about her and they must beat 5 tourneys to get in.

Am I right?

ABC, with your permission, I'm going to re-write your story in my way.

If you also give me the rights, I'll publish it on my Fanfiction profile, crediting you for the idea.

Permission granted?

[abc]

im mexican and it takes me like 1 hour writting it and seeing the spelling! but all for nothing i was waiting at least for a 9!

[cm8]

Translation? I'm sorry but the way you said that was very confusing.