The Story...

[drpokemon]

It was just another sunny day for Mike. He decided to go for a walk in his town, Cannon City. First, Mike grabbed his backpack and his three Pokeballs and then he walked into the kitchen. Mike opened the fridge doors to find nothing. "Mom! Where is the food?" He whinned.
"Stop whinning and we don't have any food right now. I will get some later. Until then, tough luck," Mike's mom replied.
Mike frowned and said, "ok." He then walked outside and sent out his three Pokémon, Charmeleon, Pikachu and Squirtle. "Go Squirtle, Charmeleon and Pikachu he said as he threw the Pokeballs. His Pokémon came out and smiled at Mike. Mike smiled back and said, "Lets go for a walk." His Pokémon nodded back at him and they began to Cannon City which Mike's house was just a few blocks from. As they were walking, Mike's stomached growled. Gosh I am hungry he thought. I might as well tough it out though since its no use thinking about it. "Squirtle, Charmeleon, Pikachu, are you guys hungry," Mike asked his Pokémon.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Does anyone like the story? I will post more if you guys like it. ;D

[cm8]

Eh, I'd give it a medium rank. It's got potential, but it needs proper grammar and punctuation to look more presentable.

Of course, criticizing every little thing is more Clario's job. I'm more of an observer. But soon...soon... (as soon as I stop playing FF/DQ games, that is...)

[drpokemon]

Alright, I will work on it then.

[clario]

Oh ha ha, CM8.

6/10. It's okay, the plot is... well, I'm guessing it's a prologue, so I can't say anything yet. Punctuation needs some work (not a lot though.), spelling is fine. I'm not sure why it's centered, but it's your fan-fic. A bit on the short side, but eh. It's a prolouge. Therefore, your score for this section is...

A 7/10.

[mudkip778099090]

10/30
Cool

[drpokemon]

10/30? Lol...

7/10 Thanks. Its understandable. I will spice it up a bit then.

[kimmimaro]

Ya when you said "you guys hungry," I guess I guess you ment an "?" instead of an ",".

[drpokemon]

kimmimaro said:

Ya when you said "you guys hungry," I guess I guess you ment an "?" instead of an ",".

Oh ya...Lol... Silly mistake.